This is for xiahki, because I promised her I would! >.< 

Here's to the fact that my husband hates me,
    to the fact that I love SuJu,
    to the fact that she doesn't.
Here's to the napkin I shredded,
    to the fact it's in the trash,
    to the smugness of knowing that's where it belongs.
Here's to the 'Yoosu' that was written inside a heart,
    to me not even knowing the pairing,
    to know I broke that heart.
Here's to debating over the best band,
    to knowing this fight shouldn't be fought.
Here's to SuJu being the best entertainers.
Here's to DBSK being the better singers.
Here's to knowing that any other band is inferior.
Here's to fights between fangirls,
    to seeing how not  to obsess.
Here's to the fans who were sent to the hos[ital,
    to them for not being helpful in marriage counseling.
Here's to SuJu integrating with the 'other two',
    to showing the world how to be accepting,
    to actually knowing the 'other two's' names,
    to being their fans.
Here's to the DBSK that never changes,
    to always being amazing,
    to always getting better,
    to always be five.
Here's to Heechul, who made his 'famous mistake',
    to knowing that if Heechul can't be perfect,
        no one can.
Here's to singing in the rain, like Rain and his Rainism.
Here's to knowing that even if you are hated,
        you are loved.
    to knowing Heechul is proof.
Here's to being who you are without any attachments,
    to saying what you want to say,
    to making your own memories.
Here's to being ignorant about each other's band,
    to knowing SuJu is really a 'group',
    to knowing I have the more idiotic of the two.
Here's to the hundreds of videos watched on YouTube,
    to all the subbers who should be worshiped,
    to all the hours spent memorizing every line.
Here's to falling in love with a band,
    to crying when you thought they were goners.
Here's to knowing that my husband hates me,
    to knowing it was all the napkin's fault,
    to knowing I don't regret my actions,
    to knowing we resolved the impossible fight,
    to knowing by 'resolve' I mean avoid.
Here's to the bands that started this hatred.

So I had to write some poems in Creative Writing, and I don't know, I'm kind of attached to them, and kind of like, "whatever", but I wanted to put them on livejournal just because I felt like it. >.< I'm kind of whimsical today! 

It's a poem written with haikus for stanzas. For some reason, I was thinking about SuJu pairings while typing this, and at the end, I was like, "I'm such a cliche moron, this has nothing to do with anything, what a horrible end," and I just sat at the computer looking like this, =_="

( HaikuCollapse )

 

Here's another one, the actual assignment that I was supposed to do. It's a letter in a poem format. We're suppose to write a letter to someone close to us, telling them whatever, but I already tell my closet people whatever I want to, so I decided I should write one to my brother. >.< 
 

( BrotherCollapse )
 

 

SORRY SORRY! SUJU! LOVE 

LOVE 

TOO MUCH LOVE! 

DYING FROM TOO MUCH LOVE! 

OH GOD I AM BURSTING WITH TOO MUCH LOVE!!!!! 

I know how they stop Zhou Mi's haters. They had him cut his hair so that it's like Siwon's, so at a quick glance you don't know who it is. >.< because I just did that, but in no way am I a Mimi hater! 

I'm trying to watch SS501 right now, but I'm failing, because I can't seem to get into it. T_T It's making me REALLY sad.

EDIT: I just realized that the second 's' is reflected so it's like a heart! KUUUU!!!! >.< Yay! slightly more happy now! :D 

EDIT AGAIN!: Okay, I'm just editing this as I go along watching my videos. It seems that SS501 are AMAZING singers, but their variety shows are okay. I'm still a HARDCORE SuJu fan because their shows are amazing, even if their music can improve (it's not that they're bad, but there is something about SS501 and DBSK that sounds a lot better). 

E: So I was watching SS501 in the one show where they drive taxis, but it wasn't that entertaining, and I somehow got sidetracked. >_> Just watching the previews of the same taxi show with Yesung and Leeteuk sent me giggling...I need to get a life, obviously. This is almost as bad as being addicted to alcohol, but in a lot safer and healthier way....well, maybe not healthier because I'm so obsessed.... >.> 

This short post has ended up getting longer and longer. ....

>_> 

There I go with that face again.... -_-"   *sigh* 

E: SS501 is on that pregnancy show. Really funny, kinda...out there? I mean, I would have never imagined them making suits for this kind of thing. -_-

All in all, love is increasing. :) 

E: The more I'm looking at SuJu pics the more I'm ending up hating Siwon. T_T HE'S EVERYWHERE! Paired up with EVERYONE! WHY IS HE ALWAYS SO TOUCHY FEELY! I know he's hot and everything, but I see him in every pic! T_T It's like Jae from DBSK, EVERYWHERE! (except Siwon is a man) >.< 

Side note, I just accidentally mistook Donghae for Siwon. In my defense, it was a side shot in the SuJu Asia concert, so it was kinda styled like Siwon's. >.> 

E: The more I hear Hangeng sing solos, the more I hate him singing in general. T_T I suppose all fans have to go through this state at some point, whether minor or major.

E: I'M STARTING TO SEE SIWON EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!! I 'm mistaking everyone for HIM! T_T  T_T D: 

There is a road that is taken when I come home from a pep band game (because basketball games don't exist). There is a road that is taken on the trip home from Chicago, and one for Indianapolis. At night, when I travel through each of these roads, I see flickering lights in the tiny town of Lafayette, and my first thought is, "It's just like Las Vegas!" and it scares me. I've been there, with all the lights and the glitter, the shows and the prostitute cards being handed out. I've seen what it is like, and I'm not quite sure that I'm ready for my hometown to be something like that.

I'm never comforted when I am on those roads; it doesn't make me happy, content. To think that my comfortable home could turn into the sleazy strip market, it makes me tremble. What will happen in a few years? In a couple of decades? Would I leave for college and come back to a town that wasn't anything I had remembered? Nearly all the people that I had loved and the ones that I knew would have left by then, migrated to a different city with a different view. A better view? Always possible.

There are times when I imagine myself in another town, but at the end of the fantasy I'm always back in the same small school that I've never seen in my life, always in the same small city that doesn't exist in reality. I fade away in these instances, when what I know and what I believe float away into a collision,

I don't have that many guy friends, which is sad, because they are the only stable ones in the jungle that is life. That is, drama wise. I don't know why, if it's I'm a whore or what, because I'm not, and in my opinion I'm rather boyish (my hair is short enough, I think) , I dress like one half the time, I don't have good mannerisms, and I am absolutely nothing girly. And yet, despite all these things things, I some how manage to "flirt". Why is that word in quotations? Easy. I have a tendency to use gestures a lot, so it's only natural that I slap someone on the shoulder jokingly, and then people take it the wrong way and think I'm "flirting". No, people! I treat everyone the same way! THIS IS NOT FLIRTING! and if you were a good friend of mine you would know that, but no, that's not how things work out for me.

I want to keep one of them as friends, just for a little longer, just until we can part on good terms. I hate having a good friendship ruined because of me, because of hormones, I hate. Sure, one could argue that it wasn't my fault, but it has to be; there is no other way.


Four, five, six, seven, eight? I've lost count of how many have ended like this. How many best guy friends of mine have admitted their love and then left, leaving an awkward rift and no time to fix it. It has to be my fault, because these are just too many coincidences. It started out that I liked befriending people who were quiet and shy, and then, it became 'people who could never have feelings for me', and yes, I liked it a lot like that. But somehow, along the way, just by being myself, I must have been some slut. I mean, I could have been a slut in a previous life, but I don't want to be one now. I hate losing friends like this. Every time, so many I want to cry. I wish...I wish that I could be this hateful person with a few friends, and everything I"m not right now, because this isn't working out. I'm losing so many friends, and I can't stand it anymore.

There's no way I can mend any of this. As soon as the words, "will you be my girlfriend?" come out, or when, "I've been wanting to ask you this a long time..." I can't stand it. The guys I like never ask (though I would refuse, but at least it'll make me feel happy) and the guys I just want be friends with always ask. I want to stay friends not because they're not appealing or anything, but because they are like pillars. They are a shoulder to cry on, advice I can trust, a friendly face in a crowd full of strangers. They are people who I enjoy spending time with, and seeing everyday. I don't want a boyfriend right now, I don't need one. All I need is my handful of friends and smiles. I don't need tags or hormones raging into my life.

I barely need a life to keep living.

So I suppose the point of this blog was to express my exasperation at this. I HATE losing some of my best friends because of an awkwardness. They say that friends make the best mates, but I don't want that now. Being a couple is pretty much useless, all it means is that I'm obligated to flirt with this one person, and to pretty much always be with THEM. And I don't love them, just as friends.

I don't flirt, I"m just me, and I can't change that no matter how hard I try. I don't want to accidently push people away because I think I'm obligated to spend more time with one person. I don't want any of that. I don't want Friendship and Couples to mix. The more people are trying to force them together, the more I hurt, and the more I hurt, the more I don't want the other. I don't want to close off my mind, but at the rate at which people are pushing me closer, the farther I'm running. I don't want to end up with no one because of all these hurtful, bad memories. I just want to be alone now.

I don't want love.

So I couldn't go to sleep last night, but since I failed the Solo thing I put two and two together an got this rather sweet fic going on. >_> Don't ask how, only know that it happened. I wasn't sure about if it should be a oneshot or not, but that doesn't matter much to me, because I can only write when I have Muse. So here it is, it's completely mine, and me being nearly late to school the next morning is good enough proof. I've been writing about Henry a lot, so he's the main character, but then Zhoumi comes out of now where, and I was like O_O? and I'm the writer. So apparently, I must have slept somewhere along the process of writing paragraphs. >_< 

Title: Music Will Only Break Your Heart
Author: reyinn
Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine, but the plot is. (hm...is that really all I need to say?) 
Characters: Henry, ZhouMi
Why: I couldn't sleep.
Summary: Henry fails violin auditions.

( Music Will Only Break Your HeartCollapse )

 

I am so depressed right now. So, I was just at Solo and Ensemble, and I knew I wasn't going to get a good score, but I was praying that some miracle would happen and I would get a medal. I did, a bronze, which is better than what I thought, but the stickler is that when I was warming up I played fine, almost perfectly, and then, after entering that room it all fell apart. It beyond fell apart. I had to STOP five times because it got so bad. I would have been happy with a bronze if I had played to the best of my abilities, elated, even, but I didn't. I sucked so bad, my tone was horrible, I can't stand thinking about it. It was fine warming up and then... BAM. 

I'm just depressed.

There is no school today, which makes me fairly happy, but it's still kinda crap, because even though my sister and I didn't leave the house and our bookbags are lying on the floor somewhere in the house not one of the three adults realized that we never went so school >_>  

-_-"

Really? Geesh. Anyways, I have to draw a picture of an asian for my drawing instructor, so I want Changmin from DBSK, and I already have my heart set on a certain picture, but I can't find it, and it's making me kinda sad, because it's going to take me a while, not because it's hard, but because my teacher has me going througing certain steps even though I think that I would do better without them. I don't like being told how to draw, but I can see where she's coming from.

I like how she teaches me though, because I draw primarily 'cellar art' and she has me drawing in black and white, thank goodness, but I should learn how to color, you know, the whole 'color inside the lines, kiddies.' Yuck, color. I want to be a mime, then I won't need color.

I think I ran out of things to say, so I'm just going to go away now, bye!